I Want To See Your Smile Again

Please let me see,
Those beautiful smile,
Right from your face,
Like what it use to be...

Don't be sad, Don't cry,
Be strong in your heart,
And smile,
Make your life bright and light,
And you will feel blessed...

When you found yourself lost in the darkness,
And there is no one you could see,
No one to help and guide your steps,
But don't be afraid,
Cause you are never alone,
As He is always there for you..

Just close your eyes,
And you will find your ways,
Cause there is always light,
Deep in your heart,
Let it guide you in your life long journey,
And you will never be sad again..

I want to see you smile,
Smile like what you always do before..

Going Crazy

A few thing I wanna do today..

1. see your face
2. see your face
3. see your face

then what I will do is..

1. remember it
2. remember it
3. remember it

so when I miss you, I can always see you in my mind...
but at that time I know that I already gone crazy..
hahaha....

I can't believe it... I am crazy when I think bout you...

Let him go

The sun just peek above the rooftop. the day just begun.

I have love him, in silence, deep in my unconscious mind. no one should know. NO ONE. Keeping it to myself, I want to let God decide my fate. my love.

Is it long enough? or I am the one who couldn't control myself. For more thn 5 years I've wait for him. and when I found him, he is still the same, nice, kind and just like what he use to be. But one thing I can never know is his heart.

Who had his heart? to Whom he kept it? Did I even had a chance? I can somehow feel that he is not with me. never is. and not going to be.

I never wanna poke my head into his personal business cause I'm afraid to learn the truth. What if he already had someone else. But I need to know. so, I check out his facebook, and feeling like half my heart is being pull harshly from where it suppose to be.

I had to let him go. He is not for me. But if I do that, I will die, cause he had half of my heart. So, I can't let him go. But, I can't love him. I can't love someone that does not love me. Cause it will hurt me, kill me, make me feel lost. But...

In the end I have to let him go...
let him go..
Slowly..
I will let go..

IT HURT

I just want to here that one word from you, but I guess it was not for me....
Thanks for being my friend, but I guess I am the only one that want more then just a friend...
Having you when I am feeling low, you will pull me up again no matter how many time I fall...
Unlike me, you are always moving forward with all the strength you got...
Running away from the painful truth is what I always do, but you will always bring me back...
Time will past and you will find your worthy companion, and leave me behind. I know about it...

that is why IT HURT!!

The last

I didn't notice him all this time. He was the one who took picture for our class event. He was never in the picture, that is why I hardly notice him. He was so good at taking picture that the picture he take capture the feeling of the people. watching all those picture, I know that he love this class a lot.

So, for our graduation day, the class had voted that he will be our class photographer and will take some picture and also do some video recording. That day, the meeting was cancel, but I came to class to take my bag that I accidentally left in the classroom. When I was about to leave, he came in and ask. "Are the meeting over? Am I too late?". And I just remember that I forgot to tell him that today meeting was canceled. When I told him, he just shrug his shoulder and walk away. I can see that he had already get the camera from the photography club. So, I decided that we could start doing some filming."why don't we film the road that we took from school to the train station." He just agree. We walk together on the path way, the cherry blossom flowers that decorated the road was falling down. The fall had start a few weeks ago. And the trees are going to be bald in a few more weeks. Then, come the cold winter.

While walking with him, I feel my heart beat faster. Maybe I had fall for him. And he suddenly stop at the park across the train station. Under the cherry blossom tree, before the last petal drop to the ground, he said"I love you". And he turn away. Then he said" sorry. I am not suppose to say this."
"Its okay. I also feel the same"
"No its not okay. You must never love me"
after that he just go. A few day past, and he had not be coming to school. His confession, his anger, was a mystery to me. I want to know why he did that. I wish he had come

The exam week is over, yet he is not here, but a phone call from his friend explain everything.
"...Did you hear me? I say he is dead. I've heard that he was sick, and he himself know that he will not be able to live long..."
that's all I heard before my world turn pitch black. I can't believe it. He is no longer with me.

On our graduation day. We play the recording that was made. At the end of a recording, he confess to me that he love me.. and he was sorry for not be able to be by my side...

but, I will forever remember him...

the crying heart

Outside, it was raining cat and dog. I do nothing. Watching the raindrop knocking on my window, I count every and each one of them. Waiting for Mr. Rain to stop, hoping to see the shining sun.

Days turn into week, weeks turn into month, months turn into year. But the rain never stop. Keep falling on my window, with a steady rhythm. I want to see the sun shine!!

Each drop carried with it a sad story. A story of a crying heart.

Each drop told me a story of people's suffering on their own. The people that I saw at a bus stop, the people that I met at shopping mall, all these people, had their own sad stories, which being told in every drop of rain. Like rainy days, their heart was crying.

That is why I yearn for the sun to shine. To cherish the crying heart, to stop the falling tears. Give new beginning to every sad ending. And I believe, that the sun will shine again. And all those crying heart will stop, and move forward, with a refreshing beginning, like the day after the rain,refreshing!

decide

The sun retreated behind the hills at the far end site of the lake. A cold breeze blowing her hair into a total mess. Her blond hair shine like strands of gold, as the sun showered its last glimmer of golden light onto her hair. She stood there motionless, sipping in the breathtaking sight of twilight. Her hand was cold.

Warm clothes was wrapped around her shoulder, shielding her from the chilling evening breeze. She know precisely who had put that clothes around her. She smile a painful smile as she slowly turn her face to face her most devoted followers. Since she was born to this world, to the day her family lost everything, and even when she can't effort to pay him, he still serve her the same.

When her family was broke, she was left with the only thing she bought with her own money, a small wooden cottage by the side of a pristine and crystal clear lake. And now she was left alone after her parents met a fatal accident three years ago. since then, her butler, Mr. Edward, never left her side. He had his loyalty to her family for a very long time. His ancestor was also a loyal butler of her family. For generation, his family had live to serve and protect her family. But after a very long time, this family lost it glory. But butler Edward loyalty will never fade.

She knows that butler Edward sacrifice can never be repaid. And her time is running short. There is nothing much she can do now. And the time has come for her too choose between what she desire or what her family had planned for her.

The proposal had come in last week. she had been thinking about this over and over again. If she accept the proposal, she may had chance to bring glory to her family and uphold her family name. But this also mean that she had to sacrifice her own dream.

Butler Edward had also act as her adviser all this time but this is the only thing he had left the young miss to solve by herself. She know that her family name is important, yet she had her own dream to pursue. The family name is at stake.

Tomorrow at the first crack of dawn, she will be taken to the other side of the country to meet the family of her in-laws. By that time, she had to come with a solid decision.

But today, as the lake reflect the light of the moon like a huge mirror glued to the ground, she will just sat quietly on the veranda of her cottage, savoring the serenity of the night in her save and secure sanctuary.

Tomorrow, she have to decide... tomorrow.

something

the day was dull and become duller as the storm approaching... Wailing of thunder echoing through the mountain and valley.. The dark sky, now darker... I don't know what to do...

Lying down on my bed, I try to close my eyes... And suddenly, his face come to my mind..

SHHH.... go away... oh... my .... why I always saw him....

so annoying...

yet... I kind of missing him...

well...

I had this weird sensation of comfort and calmness when I am with him...

oh...my...

whats wrong with me???

unfairness...

I look into the mirror.. and saw an image of a very ugly creature... maybe its true after all about what they said about me... I am ugly, and hideous.. and not worthy to be loved..

yet.. no matter how much I want to accept that fact, its hurting me more and more... keep on wondering about my existence... Why I was born like this?? Why I have this ugly face?? if I was born perfect, then they will not be mocking me like this.. no one will make fun of me....

why God being unfair to me? I asked that question to my mother... yet, with a smile she answered my question, " God is fair to all its creation, to me, to you and to everyone...each and every living soul has had their purpose and usefulness in this world.. each and every human being are made differently, and have their own ability. no human being are born perfect. yet, human are created to perfect each other life. and you, also have your own specialty.. everyone does... just believe in yourself... and you will find it"...

over the years, I have been pondering upon her words... I cling to those words with all my heart, believing that I am special.. trying hard to see within myself, to find my place in this world...

but... all the fate and believe I had in her words, was crushed into dust in just one night... that night, the moon was hidden by the clouds... the weather were predicted to turn drastically by the end of the day, and it did... heavy downpour with thunder and lightening accompany my sleep.. half way through the night, I woke up with the desire to get something to drink... and to my delight, someone was in the kitchen. it must be mother... and my guessing was right.. she was talking with father..."I am not sure" she said... " but that kid is given us more and more problem. You know yourself, that that kid can do nothing by himself. he is useless, burdensome ...." before father could finish his sentence, mother cut him out and said." I know that kid is useless, but show some pity to that kid. that kid deserve to have a happy life... no matter how useless..." before mother could finish her words, I ran upstairs and grab a few clothes, pushing it down my backpack, I took all the money I had been saving in my piggy bank and ran downstairs, grabbing the door knob... and ran through the dark night... ignoring the shout from my mother...

rain was still pouring heavily when I reach the park. I was drenched from head to toe.. I must find a place to take cover. A bus stop was across the road. I walk to ward the bus stop, but in mid step, I froze as I saw a blinding light heading my way.........

wish U can c me

Everyday ...
I will silently look at you...
Silently i wish you will look at me too...

I don't know since when you come to my life..
Cause I never thought I can fall in love...
Yet it happen when I'm with you...

But I had to let you go...
Cause you already had someone else in your heart..
And i don't want to be the third person...

Sorry for loving you...
Sincerely from my heart...

-you are one person that hold the key to my heart-

U r very special

The most special…
is the way you took my hand…
is the way you look into my eyes…
is the way you hold me in your arm…
is the way you kiss me….
Is the way you love me…
is the way you and me stay together…

The most sad..
is when you shed tears alone in the dark…
is when you took responsibility for the mistake I done…
is the smile you give me even when you are in pain…
is the time when you push me away from your life…
is the time when you turn your back to me…
is when you let go of everything you ever had for me…
is when you go first without me….

So now…
I want to be with you too…
I want to be where you are now…
please let me be with you…
Without you, my existence in this world is meaningless…